What’s Really Good? The Completion of First Year as a PhD Student.

So here am I, two semesters completed as a PhD Student.

I was never the 4.0 GPA kid in high school, not even the 3.8 or the 3.5 and depending on what grade and what social distraction I had going on at that time, I wasn’t the 3.0 GPA kid most times either.

I checked the boxes, because…. That’s what you do. Checked Boxes equals a finish line. I’ve heard over and over as a little girl… “You have to go to school! You have to Graduate. College? Yes! You must go.” BUT I didn’t really wrap my head around the possibility of what education can do for an individual or how it can assist with the overall quality of life.

So I sat in classes, literally, and most times the only thing I did was sit in class.

As an elementary student, I scribbled my creative writing stories that often started with “On one cold January Morning” As it was the only way I knew how to introduce myself into my own story.

As a middle school student, I enjoyed (or maybe not) the journey of recognizing the vast difference in myself between the baby I USED to be and the young adult I was becoming. I spent most of my time selling chips, juices and all flavored type of candy to my fellow classmates, often bringing home upward of $120 a day as a 7th grader. This is where I learned how to take funds for restocking and profit the rest for savings. I even got a little jazzy at one point and offered White Castle burgers (courtesy of Sam’s Club and my Moma’s Membership Card). Thinking back, I probably broke every code and rule attempting to launch my entrepreneur skills in the school building.

As a high school student, Let’s ask this question: What doesn’t happen in high school?That person YOU think you’re going to marry one day. The clique of fellow friends. OR better yet, beginning to question what the term friend means at that point. Grades, if you attended a school similar to mine, meant you were competing with yourself and the rest of your class to stay at the top of the list so you can be recognized as the smartest of the smartest. And then there was me, finding my way through social life while balancing grades meant that one had to go and I, unconsciously, chose to be sucked into the teenage affair of socialism.

I, technically, never held the title of the “Good Student.” I wasn’t picked to do onsite admissions when colleges and universities visited our high school. I don’t remember an honor’s award, recognition or any scholarship dollars to attend college. Not $1! I had to repeat more than one class through summer school and credit recovery, and as the story goes…. I, for sure, was not the top of my graduating class. In fact, I was alllllll the way at the bottom.

I was disappointed in myself long before I would ever publicly acknowledge my disappointment. Partly because I was still internalizing why I allowed myself to arrive at this level of disappointment in the first place. I was confused to say the least. Deep down inside, I truly did love school. I loved the idea of learning. I loved words, and the opportunity to place a series of words together that could paint a picture that even a stranger could interpret. What wasn’t adding up was my love for education and my actual performance. My motivation traveled down roads that I had no business venturing. The pressures of socializing were real, and as soon as I fell to the bottom of the list; I did exactly what we tell all young folx not to do: I owned my failure with pride and continued to feed my failing ways.

I didn’t apply to many colleges, even though I had big dreams of attending one the largest public institutions in the state: Michigan State or University of Michigan. But my application would clearly read to admission counselors “Is this girl OUT of her mind?” So I never applied.

Instead, I received news right at the exit of my senior year that because I had attended school in the district for all of my K12 education I was eligible to receive tuition assistance, IF I started at a community college post high school graduation.

So I took the only opportunity I had and in October of 2010 I arrived to my first college class at Schoolcraft College. I spent two years there and eventually, I lost that tuition assistance opportunity due to a Math Class I did not pass. Now that I look back, I absolutely had no idea WHAT I was doing… however, what I did very well was ask questions!

I took the one thing that I did well and I exhausted that option, I asked everything! Was there a way to appeal my tuition assistance to continue receiving more help? Could I ever win or do well in this thing called college? Even if I didn’t have the proper terminology or even if I really didn’t know what I was asking, I still asked.

Asking questions got me through Schoolcraft (even though I never recovered my tuition assistance) and then the same skill of asking questions got me through my first degree program at Eastern Michigan and then my second degree also at Eastern Michigan.

Now I am here, a mere 27 with an academic year of PhD courses under my belt.

BUT LET’S REWIND, I never imagined myself here. Not with my previous academic records and actions. I actually don’t know where I imagined myself during my teenage years.. I just did what I was encouraged to do, check the boxes!

I think everything came full circle during Junior/Senior Year of undergraduate. As life around me continued to happened, I recognized many things. I recognized how being in spaces (college campuses) provided opportunities to me that I would not have had otherwise. This included: mentors, exposure to more travel, diversity in friends and exploration of research. It was the small things that mattered, the small things that fueled my determination to keep pushing. Like, the University Ambassador job I held where I had access to all the cool VIP spots on campus because I assisted with the President’s appearance at events. Or my first time on a plane where I took an art class in New York and had the experience of visiting all the museums. The time where staff members on campus took me under their wings when life outside of college continued to happen and I had to find ways to get through the storm. I even met one of my best friends while working an on campus job.

But most importantly, I drank the Student Affairs kool-aid and instantly recognized that I wanted to help guide students in ways that my mentors did for me!

When I first started the thought process of applying to a doctoral program, I asked many questions regarding preparation and academic rigor. Often times, I asked the closet people who knew my college journey: “Do you think I am ready to take on this task? It didn’t matter who I asked, I got the same answer every time: “No one is ever fully ready to take on a PhD. There is no limit on preparation or mental readiness. You just do it!” And so I did, while many of the individuals of my Masters program were applying to jobs, I chose to apply to terminal degree programs. I told the least amount of people because I couldn’t stand to hear one discouraging word. I knew THIS was an experience I wanted to embark at THIS moment in life. My decision to continue to train myself academically is one that I made solely based on internal thoughts and believing in myself even if that meant, no-one else believed in me. That’s when the shift occurred, my whole academic journey consisted of moments where I let myself down, moments of embarrassment because I knew I could do better, NOW, as I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection I also saw Grind, Resilience, Hustle, and Determination. Two semesters in and a nice journey that still stands before me, now I can see my value, my own academic contributions that I can make to the field. In this first academic year as a PhD student, I have learned a great deal about myself; I learned the practice of protecting my time, staying true to my passion and purpose while monitoring what makes me truly happy and what I can do without. This process is one that reveals to self, academic hustle, mental strength and self-care! I recently heard a Professor mention that a PhD trains and awards the individual the ability to create knowledge. Here I stand, the little girl that was never the “Good Student” training to enter the realm of knowledge creators. This time around, I did it right, gracefully!

This PhD journey is one that I would choose over and over again! I am humbled, truly humbled to have be in this moment of my life.

Stay tuned for details on specific topics regarding the journey of PhD!

 

 

 

Courtney Morris is a 1st year Doctoral Student in Educational Leadership, her research focuses on Integrating Hip Hop Culture and Urban Education, as well as storytelling and using current events as teaching methods in the realm of Education. Courtney has a sub interest in leadership development among urban education and students of color, community development and mental health amongst black communities. Courtney obtained her Associates of Arts from Schoolcraft College, Bachelors of Science in Health Administration (concentration in Social Work), Masters of Arts in Higher Education/Student Affairs and Graduate Certification in Academic Advising. Feel Free to connect with Courtney via email at Connect@BeMentallyRich.com or via instagram at @MsCourtneyBrieAnn