Emotional Strands (Let’s Talk: Natural Hair Journey)

For as long as I can remember, I have always had my hair straighten.  In the summer months, every now and then I may have wet my ponytail, or do an untamed wash-and-go. But for the majority of my childhood, teenage years and most of my 20’s I have been naturally straight. I say “naturally straight” to acknowledge the fact that I have been perm free for at least 15 years.

I was born with a rare birth mark, that resembles a skin mole. Except my birth mark was located on my scalp. Doctors told my parents when I was an infant to disregard UNTIL I start to mention any irritations of this mark. When I was about 10, it became obvious to me that this mole was apart of my scalp. Some days it would cause irritation, some days it wouldn’t. When I was 12, my mother took me to a well known dermatologist in Detroit, and before I knew it I was in for an outpatient procedure to have this erratic mole removed. It was the summer before I started 9th grade. Because this mole was considered to be “live” it viciously ate at my hair strands that were directly nearby. I remember going through a phase in high school where I had to get my hair cut a few inches (felt like more than a few) to even out the difference in one side being extremely longer than the other.

My mother made sure to manage my hair care, and I continued to visit our stylist (who has been doing my hair now for almost 20 years… She started doing little girl ponytails when I was 6!).

My stylist has been a huge part of my life; she’s done regular hair maintenance, for proms, photoshoots, funerals, interviews, etc. She has colored my hair, cut my hair into styles and now she is assisting me with my Natural Hair Journey.

See, my hair, has been a big part of who I am. I am a very simple woman, meaning jeans and a white tee is my standard uniform… But I have always depended on my straight hair to provide edge and a sense of womanhood to who I am.

The truth is, I’ve been hiding behind my straight hair. My straight hair has taken the attention off of my slender body type, my nerd like tendencies, and my awkward first encounters. My straight hair has been my comfort zone, I have been able to blend into work environments, classrooms and public places. The few times I have wore my natural curl, my kinky curly fro has taken the attention off the subject at hand! Because my hair has been straight for so many years, I have learned to navigate through the world with it. On bad days, it has given me confidence and on good days it has provided me with a boost of “Black Girls can show up and show out, wearing their hair straight with no extension and with no chemicals.”

But at 26 years old, I am entering into a phase where who I am internally should reflect who I am externally. Internally, I am a very conscious black woman; meaning… I have awaken and walked everyday in my blackness. I breathe blackness. I talk blackness. I teach blackness. The past few visits to the hair salon have been an emotional war zone. Each time the blow dryer meets my diligent, beautiful kinky curls… I felt as though a piece of my internal beauty was blasted away by heat. If I must be honest, the reason that I have waited so long to embark my natural journey is because I had become intimidated by my natural curl pattern. With my hair holding in water like a sponge, and my curls so tight that even your hand may become interconnected with the “original” goddess characteristics… I used straightening my hair as a way to avoid what felt impossible to “tame.”

My hair and my thought process of “taming” was a standard of European Beauty! “If its not straight, its not nice.” “If its nappy, its wrong.” I got swept up in the hype! For so many years, I had been “training” my hair; just like the Slave master “trained” his livestock (slaves..human beings) to obey the European societal norm of Beauty (Yes, I went there. But read future blog posts… It all connects; I promise)

After recently consulting and coming up with a plan of action with my stylist, we concluded that now was the time to break free of the chains, and relearn every inch of who I really am, starting with my hair.

I refer to this journey as emotional strands because my hair has provided me with a space of comfort as well as a space of fear; however, as of June 2nd 2018 I am naturally curly and I have no intentions, any time soon to blast my curls into the dark any further…

Let this post serve as the first of many that will highlight this journey of breaking free from chains and a revelation of what it means to be Naturally in-tuned from the top of my head (including hair) to the soles of my feet!

It is my hopes that you will walk with me and encourage my attempt (even from a far) to continue to embrace my hair in its natural state.

– Courtney

Back down memory lane:

• 

•