Here’s what I know for sure: traveling down your twenties is a hell of a journey.
but I also know this… the decade of twenty is the most acceptive of trial and error. I’m six-years into my second decade and DAMN… Every year is a completely new lesson. The person I was at 23 is much different than the person I was at 24, and so forth.
And while being in your twenties is supposed to be dedicated to much fun, motivation and learning who and what you want to be in this world… I must admit that life as a twenty-something ain’t always sweet.
Ever wondered how your life would look in five years, so imagine… You’re twenty-flat (fresh from nineteen) and you have life all planned out for twenty-five! You’ll be married, possibly with a child, graduated from college or far in your career to be comfortable enough to live life: You know, how you want… Spend money and travel the world, wake up on the beach with some beautiful significant other, investments on fleek, etc!
For some individuals, it happened; and for some of us, it hasn’t happened yet! Social Media (Shameless plug for an upcoming post) has entered its way into our lives in such a matter that we (lets say the millennial generation) are subconsciously (or maybe not) comparing journeys to one another. Not the most healthy, but lets spit the facts… We probably have all done it!
I’m not here to tell you if what you’re doing (or did) in your twenties is right or wrong; what I am here for is to share light on what I have learned so far and to push an emphasis on all that I still would like to experience before I get chewed out and spit right into decade three!
I would like to encourage as you read, that you also reflect on what your journey looks like and how to make the best of what is left to follow.
Eight Tips that have been fundamental to my second decade:
I figured out what love was AND what love was NOT: I had my heart break fairly early. I was in my late teens and entering into my twenties when I fell in love. I endured a crash-course of playing house, we both took on responsibilities for the sake of our relationship, we shared a car at some point, shared time, shared love and most importantly for the sake of this tip, we shared pain. Rightfully so, I think my heart-break was one of the greatest lessons. It happened at the right moment, I had a support system to get me through and though the pain that existed between the two of us was very much real, I think looking back now: we both walked away from the shared space at the perfect moment for each of us individually. Most importantly, I believe it happened with the right individual… that part of my life showed me how deep I could love, how I needed to work on being loved, and how love is truly a work in progress. From this moment of my life, I have tried to be conscious to handle every relationship with care, during this time I was also responsible for not thinking carefully about the relationship and the person I shared that space with. I am also more aware that love does not always equal relationship, and relationship does not always equal love. I have people that I have love for and know a relationship will not work as well as people I have had pretty decent relationships with but have not necessarily loved. Learning to love is about communication; tell your potentials, friends, partners the real deal up front, we are too grown to be left to figure out things the hard way.
Keep it safe, think twice about sex and intimacy: This tip is based on my experience and my values. In no way am I saying: “You should not have sex xyz.” But I will state MY fact: Twenties will bring around a lot of “potential”; and every “potential” doesn’t need the secret code! For many, sex is an emotional tie-connector. So here’s something to think about: Do you really want to be tied emotionally to every cute guy/girl that comes your way? Protecting your peace, energy and sanity is apart of this physical but very deep act. I mean, its probably easy to have sex but does sex equate to love? The real question is this: Are you looking to occupy time or occupy heart-space? This is for the fellas and the ladies, so be cool. Trust Me, there’s plenty good that comes from waiting!
Self-Care is real ass hell, seriously: This is my personal struggle, and every week it is a challenge to practice this. I have to make a mental note, write it in my planner and set a reminder in my phone to make sure I take time for me. I’ll get to it in my next point; BUT its hard out here when all you have is 24hrs in a day and you’re trying to make a clean, satisfactory come-up for not only you; but the family that supported you as well!
I started small: Trips to the store for a little retail therapy, late night drive, buying myself flowers weekly, meditation before and after my day. I’m graduating to the next tier, where I hope to incorporate: Routine Massages, Weekend Get-Aways, trying new restaurants. If you take nothing away from this point: Remember, being in your twenties is bitter sweet, so while the getting is good.. Learn how to take care of you! I think we often miss out on opportunities when we look for our friends to also participate in these self-care moments with us, I’ll say it again: TAKE CARE OF SELF… Even if that means enjoying by yourself! DRINK WATER, MOVE YOUR BODY, and SMILE!
We Grind all day, everyday: The hustle is real. At twenty-anything, it is expected that you work harder, and sacrifice for significant pay-off (however that may look). Right now, I have no kids… No true responsibilities, and I am single. I have all day, everyday with little to no distractions (rather good or not so good) to get what I need done. I start my days early, and I end my days late. I take on more opportunities than I probably should. But here’s my motto: If I don’t do it now, when will I have the chance to do it again? Grinding is about chasing the dream, grinding is about making things work that they said couldn’t or wouldn’t. Grinding is not exhaustion if practicing Self-Care is a norm; but be aware the grind can get a bit weary a times.
Remember that the people around you are growing as well; don’t take shit too personal: Drake once stated “No New Friends” and though the concept can be relatable depending on the situation, I say keep your twenties open to meet new people. Rather a significant other or a cool ass homie; know that good people do exist. Seize the opportunities to learn from new people, grow with new people and learn to love new people. Also don’t forget, that just like you are evolving in this second decade, so is everyone else. So when things get rocky, friendships on edge and maybe you have to walk away, keep in mind two things: Make sure you show up your best self in these circumstances and make sure you walk away with love if needed. Your energy is vital to your self-being, your work and how you choose to show up in this universe. The people, the things they carry and the love/hate that lives within them is a reflection of who you are. Feel the vibe, it never steers you wrong!
Work Smarter, not harder: As mentioned above, twenties are about the grind. But the grind is more complex than one may imagine. It takes impeccable positive energy, determination and motivation to be a boss. At twenty-something, it can be real easy to become content. You have your first (or may second, third) professional job, making a decent amount of money! Your car is cool, your apartment is tight and you get to do sweet shit with friends because you have a little bit of extra cash on hand. FOCUS on the bigger picture, twenties is where you PLAN to have the work pay off so you can PLAY in your mid-thirties to forties (at least thats my objective). YES, have fun! But have fun with a purpose: start those conversations at the bar with friends about business ventures, pick up a hobby that can turn into a side hustle, pursue that advanced degree (or at least start it before the babies come along). Think Long Term; your twenties will blink right before you.. WILL YOU BE READY?
Purpose, Service and Spirituality: I have been tested the most in this area during my second decade. My faith has been stretched, for healthy reasons, of understanding that my present flesh on earth is much bigger than the space I take up in any given room. It is crucial that as a person in your twenties, finding what your purpose is almost mandatory during this time. Twenties is about extreme amounts of learning and growing at a fast pace. Your purpose will reveal your service. From a spiritual standpoint, how you choose to serve the world is often the foundation to your blessings. Its not about religion, its about finding how you connect to the world, in what capacity and with what audience. For some it happens sooner, but for those who grasp it later… it’s never the wrong time. Finding your purpose, allows the moves you need to make in your twenties to be well-calculated risks. Three things: 1. Know who you are, 2. Know your purpose and 3. Know where and who you need to serve!
Stay in the lane that was created for you: It’s simple. What’s for you is for you, at the right moment with the right person and for the right reason. Don’t worry to compare yourself with what your friends are doing (or not doing), the insta-famous individuals who seem to have it all figured out. No Shade, but we grow daily and adjusting your life to mirror that of an individual other than yourself will do more harm for you than good. I made untraditional decisionscompared to many around me. I decided to move back home after undergrad and pursued my Master’s from my Moma’s crib, which freed up so much funding and access to engage in opportunities where I would have had to think about my livelihood first: RENT, FOOD, ETC. Because of this decision, there have been great PROS and a few L’s; but well worth it in the end. Savings has gone up, stress has gone down. I contribute to the household that is doable for both of us. Embrace your style: Confidence (not arrogance) is what helps your thrive, first you must love yourself inside out. Once that is completed, love your outside appearance for what it is. I am a big advocate for the unique “Business Professional” ordeal; YES it is possible that one day you will catch me in a suit, but my personality says otherwise… and I push the envelope personally to include who I am in the physical spaces that I appear, rather it is: my athletic apparel, my slang or if I want to rock my hair curly or straight. No matter what your lane is and how you choose to travel, keep in mind: THIS HERE IS ALL ABOUT YOU… SO MAKE IT GOOD!
Courtney Morris is a 1st year Doctoral Student in Educational Leadership, her research focuses on Integrating Hip Hop Culture and Urban Education, as well as storytelling and using current events as teaching methods in the realm of Education. Courtney has a sub interest in leadership development among urban education and students of color, community development and mental health amongst black communities. Courtney obtained her Associates of Arts from Schoolcraft College, Bachelors of Science in Health Administration (concentration in Social Work), Masters of Arts in Higher Education/Student Affairs and Graduate Certification in Academic Advising. Feel Free to connect with Courtney via email at Connect@BeMentallyRich.com or via instagram at @MsCourtneyBrieAnn
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